That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just threw up on my dentist
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
