I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
