dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
is that a dick in a sweater?
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