Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
