He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
