Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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