can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
