i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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