it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
