ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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