i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
