I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
