I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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