my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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