He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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