I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
