When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I will pee on everything he values.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
