Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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