well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
