Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
