How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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