walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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