Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
