I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
