I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
