Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
