It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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