we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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