STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
