Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
