i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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