Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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