3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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