We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
