There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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