Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
