I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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