A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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