I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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