What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
