Im at strip club and am horny
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
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