I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
