Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
