Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
