I just saw a hot homeless man
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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