In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
