New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
