By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
