I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you would pick up someone in the library
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
