There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
